Saturday, March 05, 2005

Linguists Prove Swearing IS Big AND Clever (Parental Guidance Advised)

Leading Scientists at the Central University for Linguistics (CUniLing) in the US have found after years of painstaking research that contrary to popular belief, swearing is not only big, but clever.

The research shows that swearing not only enhances your vocabulary but gives you more ways of expressing the same ideas. In a social-linguistic sense, the kind of swear-word you use can show which background or class strata you are from.

The research has shown that there are over 250 swear-words, swear-word forms and swearing-phrases in English alone.

"That's a shit-load," stated Professor Fuk Yu Kok, head of the Central Lingusistic Investigation Team who made the study. "This is damn exciting research. We've worked our hairy arses off but the results have been bloody-well worth it. They'll blow your fucking mind to kingdom-crap, they're so amazing. It's a real kick in the bollocks for the Linguistic Establishment, those bastards!"

Fuk's team hope to go on and prove that some of the world's most important documents would be better served re-written with more swearing. Documents such as The Magna Fucking Carta, the United Nations Ejaculation On Human Pissing Rights and The Constafuckingtution of the God-damn United Crapping States of America.

Noam Chomsky is not a gnome.