Live8 organisers promise to do more for the consciences of stars.

Live8, Sir Robbie Geldorf's follow up to 1985's Live5 [Check this!] promised to do more for the consciences of such stars as U2's Robbie O'Bon and The Police's Robbie Sting. Some of these stars are living in ethical squalor and near moral starvation.

Said Children's author and actress Robbie Madonna, "It's time for us stars to give something back to the community. I have a lot of money, and influence, so I'm going to give a few hours of my valueable time. Time I could be spending finding the next young producer for my new albums. Although, chances are, he might be at Live8 anyway."

Said Tantric guru, Robbie Sting, "I can have sex for 24 hours, so for a 30 minute performance with encore to sing that terrible song at the end, why that's like missing out on a wank. If you call me performing my own songs, 'missing out on a wank.'"

Expected Highlights of Live8:
Pink Floyd to reform and cover Scissor Sisters songs
Spice Girls to Reform and cover Pink Floyd songs
Freddie Mercury to return from dead (unconfirmed)
U2 to split and not pursue solo careers (hopefully)