Britons are facing a new terror, the terror of Terror Alerts. "People are terrified that at any moment there will be a Terror Alert. It's terrifying," Said Terror Analysist, Terry Wrost. "The terror people feel for Terror Alerts is more terrifying or terrorising than any of the terrors the terrorists have been terrificating. Quite frankly, I'm scared shitless."
Brian O'Bomman, a Terror Consultant from International Risk Assesments PLC, formerly The Actual IRA, told us, "Terrorists want to terrify the more terrifiable non-terrorist members of the public. They use terror tactics, performing terrible acts of terrifying terror to terrify the terrificious inhabitants of terra-firma. It's terrible."
A spokesman for the government said, "Aaaaaaaagghhhhh!!!"