Tuesday, February 14, 2006

More Killed in Cartoon Protests

More protesters against the Danish cartoons have been killed attacking European embassies, the AMCE News Agency reported today.

In the first incident a hapless protester threw a circular bomb with the fuse lit into a second-storey window of the Norwegian embassy. The bomb rolled off a desk into a bin, which fell over, sending the ball rolling toward the stairs. The bomb bounced down every stair, landed on the lobby carpet and rolled out to the feet of the bomber. The man, a Mr Al Daffi, could not believe his eyes, described eye-witnesses, and looked at the bomb for a few seconds before being literally blown out of his skin.

In a second incident, a protester had set up an elaborate series of pulleys, springs, boulders and ostrich seeds which was supposed to send a grand piano crashing onto the German embassy. Unfortunately, as the man followed the stages of the contraption trigger one-by-one, he realised too late that the piano was not going to land on the embassy, but rather his own head. He was squashed flat and perfectly cylindrical.

In the final incident, seven protesters ran at the front door of the Greek embassy. At the last minute, the Greek consul opened the door and the protestors ran through the building and were unable to stop until they had run out the back door where they found themselves having run over the edge of a huge cavern that had mysteriously appeared behind the embassy. They looked at each other bewildered for a few seconds before plummeting downwards and disappearing in a tiny puff of distant smoke.

A spokesman for the protesters could only stamp on his hat and mutter “sufferin’ succotash! Awl git those varmints!”