Thought Piece: murderers

A brief study of murders, particularly those of celebrities, shows that many are carried out by “sad loners.” When is the government going to wake up to this alarming fact and do something about it? Utter Newsense, backed by our CEO, mysterious Australian publishing mogul, Shane Utterly, says the best way to halt this problem is clear. Prevention is the cure. We propose all people who cannot produce a list of more than three friends be locked up for our own safety. How long will we have to live amongst these people before one of them kills again?