Friends and People Unite to Decry "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Millionaires Rally Round to Condemn publication of "How To Marry A Millionaire."

“The Game” – “evil and manipulative” critics say.

Critics of current best-seller, “The Game” have been calling the book “evil and manipulative,” saying the book uses crude psychology to get people to do things against their wishes. Said a Spokesman for the Critics, "Men are being manipulated into buying this book through promises it of fulfilling their most heart-felt desires: that of bedding and being loved by numerous women.” The critics also go on to claim that once the book has been bought, it seduces men by letting them think it is interested in their welfare when really all it is interested in is selling more books. Said one man who had found himself buying a copy of the book, "I feel degraded. I have been treated as something less than human. This book seduced me with its appeals to my conscious desires. But instead of getting laid, I just ended up speaking to my friends in an incomprehensible code, wearing even more stupid clothes than ever before and actually talking for hours about being into astrology. What have I become?"

Other critics poo-pood the idea that this book was revealing anything new. "These books come out all the time. Every six months there is a new "method” of attracting women that becomes a fad for a while. Sure some of them seem to get girls for a while, but soon they start to go back to their old habits.” Said another critic, "We've seen it all before. We've had the "F-" Plan, The Wolfskin's Action and Waitress-Watchers. People try it, but six months later they’re onto the next 'Get Trim Quick' scheme.”

Hobbit News Round-up

Only Gay Hobbit in the Village declares himself "Lord of the Rings."
Hobbit gone bad, Osodo Bilbo Ladens, calls for destruction of the Two Towers.
"Golum's Column" dropped from Hobbit News

Next Hobbit News to be published in Rivendeller format

Secret Message found in The Da Vinci Code

After months of investigating, scholars are finally beginning to understand the secrets behind The Da Vinci Code. For some time, leading thinkers (and fellow authors) have been pondering its runaway success, without, er, success. Some have suggested ancient symbols referenced in the text gave it mystical powers, some have suggeested underground cults have been sending out mind-altering Ley-lines to our brains, someone even suggested damn good writing and clever plotting. All three have been ejected by experts as ludicrous.

The answer lies in a secret code hidden in the words missed by all of the experts and only found by an adoring fan, Mr Don Brawn. The code is found by taking the following letters from the following pages:

p 23 letter 35
p 53 letter 18
p 61 letter 97
p 142 letter 114
p 192 letter 13
p 205 letter 85

If you take these letters and re-arrange them, you get the secret message:

R E A D M E

The author of the work, Dan Brown, is thought to be the pseudonym of Bran Down, the shadowy author who created the new name using a clever substitution encryption technique developed by novelist Bill Shut. Bran Down is also thought to be the mind behind such thrillers as Vermeer Investigates, The Code of Honour Blackman and The Mystery of the Well-Researched References Hidden in the Bog-Standard Thriller.

"The Mystery of How Miss Terry Missed Erry," has never been written.

Latest Harry Potter Book Finished

Novelist J K Rowling has completed the latest installment in the Harry Potter series. Entitled "Harry Potter and the Neverending Pages," the book will weigh 20 Kg when released. Ms Rowling admitted that the weight of the book was important because it fitted in with "the philosophy of the work" and "the underlying exponentiality of the weight of the book was an important factor in that."

Ms Rowling took time to rubbish some of the rip-offs that have been appearing on the market since. Books such as "Carrie Motter and the Amazing Handbag," "Sally Slotter and the Mysterious Red Light," and "About a Boy" by Nick Hornby.

By 2010, Harry Potter books are expected to be registered planets in their own right.