Outrage at cartoon; Americans demonstrate, Middle-East calls for calm

Middle Eastern News

Israel announces their latest Hamas / Hezbolla recruitment drive a complete success.

Mel Gibson denies kidnapping Israeli soldiers.

Middle-East Protests At Brokeback Mountain Lack of Oscars

(Can You Check This - Editor)

Danish Bacon Exports to Middle East at Lowest Level for Thirty Years.

US, Britain declare war on Allah over Tsunami

The British government today announced it was joining the US-lead war on the force behind the Asian Tsunami disaster. "This is clearly an act of God," stated a Pentagon official, yesterday. "More specifically, an act of Allah."

Theologians have already begun protesting that in many ways there is no difference between God and Allah, it is all a matter of how we as humans interpret him (or her).

When pressed on the matter, the Pentagon merely repeated this could not be the case as "God is one of our guys," and that attempts to blame him in the UN, will be vetoed. He went on to point out that all Islamic Terrorists were by definition followers of Allah, and thus following this new disaster he could be held up as the true leader of all of these organisations.

"We will track him down, wherever he is. Which is everywhere, so it should be easy. In fact because of this, he is already listed as being a detainee of Guantanamo Bay."

US to invade service station for charging too much for gas

The pentagon has announced America's intention to invade the Shaffer Good Custom Service Station in Prosiac, Montanna unless it starts charging less to US citizens.


Typical Service Station.

Diplomatic efforts are being made to prevent the invasion and the UN has offered to send in Price Inspectors. US Secretary for Defense, Insert Name, said that this was all "Time Wasting" and denounced Rob Shaffer, proprietor of the service station, as one of the most evil men known to man.

Also on this 'evil' list also includes Ernie Holt, pump attendant at the service station, and Seth Pinkerston who wipes the windscreens. "These men are a threat to civilisation as we know it," said a spokesman in a particularly gruff voice.

War on Terror Widens

The US government today widened it's hunt for terror organisations. "We're going after these guys. All of these guys," said a spokesman today in the bomb-proof press-room at the White House. "We're going after any organisation we can find who fits our profile of a terrorist. We're going to stop these would-be terrorist groups before they perform some act of terror." The government has issued an updated list of terror Groups. The new list includes:

Al Jazeera
Al Bania
Al Fabetagama
Al Bhundi
Al Jolson
and
Al Cohol

The spokesman refused to elucidate as to what the criteria was to select these new targets.

George Bush pledges to continue the search for Liquids of Mass Lubrication

George Bush has said at a Press-conference from Smallentown, Arizona, that now he has been "re-electified," he will continue his world-wide search for Liquids of Mass Lubrication. He said he would leave no stone "unturnicated" until all sources of such liquids had been turned over to the United States. He expressed "extreme displeasitude that some of these sources were not in the hands of our allies, and more importantly, not in the hands of my friends."

The Bush administration has done more than any other to track down more sources of Liquids of Mass Lubrication and other so-called Requirements of Mass Transit.